I'm currently sat outside in Argentina. The current temperature is 32 degrees- it was as high as 37 today- and most of today was spent trying to keep cool whilst I attempted to avoid finishing packing our suitcases before we make the long trip to Ezeiza International Airport tomorrow to head back to England.
Argentina deserves some blog posts of it's own- In fact, my original plan had been to be writing whilst I was here, but strangely I haven't been able to find the right words yet to share. It has, simply put been an incredible trip with so many wonderful moments, and I am so grateful to all of those who have allowed us to make it happen and put an amazing end on what has been an unforgettable year.
Since losing Martin, life has been a sort of limbo. I can honestly say that 2022 has been the first year where life has begun to feel like it has moved forward instead of us just drifting along. It was my first full year back in a full time position that I adore, working with some of the best people I've ever had the privilege to meet. Every day was
different, bringing new challenges, new adventures, and with always more to do, more to achieve.... This next year will shape up to have some wonderful new challenges as I begin to take on a bit more and I cannot wait.
2022 also brought new people into my life, whilst others left. Some are missed,
and to them I say when you are ready, I am here as I have always been. The others I wish well on their new path and hope nothing but good comes their way- life is too short to wish anyone anything else. It brought new friends who have become family, and their support, love and understanding has meant more to me than I could ever put into words.
2022 was also a reminder in how to love someone, someone other than Martin, and how to be loved- and, sadly, how not to be loved. It seems incredible to think that after so long with one person that another could come along and awaken a part of you that you thought was gone for good..... and whilst it may have ended, I will be forever thankful that they came into my life and keep them in my heart.
It was a year of new beginnings- Tomas at his new school where he is thriving and growing into such an amazing individual that I count our blessings that he is happy and enjoying every minute of his new independence that comes with it. Morena began primary school and is a firm favourite in the classroom with the teachers for her comedy and dramatics. We moved house at the start of the year and whilst it was sad to say goodbye to the house where we had first begun with Martin, the change has done everyone- including coco and his anxiety- the world of good.
Amongst all the highs, the good times, the hilarious anecdotes that will stay with us forever, 2022 has had its moments. It reminded me of how sometimes I will open myself up too much to the wrong people and that I need to be more careful with my trust and confidence in someone- I like to see the best in everyone, but I need to remember that that best doesn't always match my own. It tested my strength on more than one occasion, and on those occasions I learnt that its more than ok to rely on your friends- thank you to those who stayed up talking with me, to those who showed up with Starbucks when I needed it, and those who give the best hugs.
The biggest change this year is a goodbye. Tomorrow we leave for England and whilst we brought Martin to Argentina, he is not returning with us. It really is the first time in 15 years that he won't be with me (in some form)...... I have loved him, lost him, grieved for him, all in a period of time far shorter than my life would have preferred. And whilst I will always love him and miss him, It is now time to continue on without him. I know that he will always be a presence in our lives, always there with us..... but he is now where he is supposed to be, and I feel ready to move forward, stand tall and proud of managing to get to this point and be able to continue. For the first time in a long time, I feel like my own person again, and am looking forward to what that brings to our lives.
I'm not one for resolutions. I don't know if you are or not, reading this wherever you may be reading this. For my part, I want to go into 2023 with an open mind and heart. I want to learn from those around me, strive to understand and treat people with the respect and manners deserved by everyone.
I wish to be kind, and continue to try and help those I can, keep a smile on my face for those who need it. I want to make more memories with those I love, keep forgiveness and patience ready for those that test me, and have time to be in those moments that I wish would never end.
I hope to have the strength to continue moving forward, to be able to help and support others in the way I have been helped and supported, and to remember every day how fortunate we are.
So here's chau to 2022, and hello to 2023- may it bring you everything you wish for and all that you deserve!
Comments