So recently, I posted this photo to my Whatsapp status.
I was on my way to meet an old friend, I thought I looked alright, so took a photo.... It's something I've been doing recently to try and boost my confidence a little; I've never been comfortable being in photos, and can be overly self critical, and am trying to get out of that habit now that there are two small versions of myself to whom I should occasionally set a good example.
Now, I won't lie- posting the photo did get responses, all of which do help boost the old ego a little. All in all, it does help to make me feel more comfortable in my own skin again, and obviously it's always nice if someone calls you beautiful 😊
However, later that day, a family member mentioned someone had seen the picture and asked them about it....... "Tanya was looking beautiful, wearing a lot of make up.... has she got a new man, is she seeing someone, is that why she's doing that?"
Wow.
Just.... Wow.
So first off, the idea that I don't look beautiful without make up when honey, I am a goddamn snack and then some, is a little offensive. I mean yes, I'll grant you, I probably look a bit more tired when I haven't used concealer, but running around after two kids and just as many jobs will do that to you.
Secondly- why on earth would I be wearing make up for a man?! Like he's going to appreciate the time I've spent getting my eye makeup just right.... If you see me wearing make up, know that it is entirely for me and me alone. I've put it on to be more badass than I already am, and thank you for noticing that.
As for the 'Is she seeing someone'...... whose business is that? I am a widow. I was married, and he died. I've been by myself for almost a year and a half, and if I choose to start dating/ fucking/ seeing people, whatever you want to call it, then that is entirely my business and no-one else's. I can't stand gossip, and I certainly don't like the idea of being the subject of it all because I choose to wear lipstick and take a selfie.
I like to keep things private- working in polo it's near impossible for that to happen for long, and I've been bracing myself for the inevitable barrage of questions around me deciding to start dating. Luckily, so far, it's been limited to this one interaction, in which my family member very kindly explained to the person asking that actually, I am a young(ish) single woman who has every right to do exactly as she sees fit. I have good people supporting me.
I've spent just over a year and a half on my own. I'm independent, capable, and so far managed to get through this with only the occasional meltdown and without resorting to binge eating or alcoholism, so I think if you see me looking like I've managed to take a shower and put on some make up, maybe realise that I'm feeling good and leave it at that....
You are defo a snack and I bloody love you. X