It started, as most things do in my life, without me thinking about it.
I was in the bath, and I thought it would be amusing to post a picture on my stories on Instagram. Legs and bubbles, what a relaxing night. I was mildly amused when it got a bit of attention, mainly from where I'd expected it to, but it wasn't really meant to be anything more than a snapshot of my evening.
The attention was amusing enough that I figured I'd do it again. And maybe
another time. It became a regular thing- my friends would comment they'd seen more of my legs that winter than they had me, whilst another commenter asked if I had any plans to set up an OnlyFans for my feet....
It's not the first time someone's mentioned my feet- I was once abandoned in a bar in Virginia by a friend who had snuck off to her car with someone when a guy came over to tell me I had the 'prettiest feet in the bar...' he confirmed this a half hour later when he came to find me and took me across the bar to show me another women feet to prove his point! It's never been one I could understand I guess, but each to their own....
Anyway, amongst the comments, people had noticed something. Morena had a bath toy that sat on the edge of the bath. An octopus. And soon, I got more messages about 'ese maldito pulpo' (that damn octopus) than I did about my legs (or my feet). It became a regular thing, posting pictures of the octopus in the bath, laughing at the comments....... there were still plenty of messages that didn't mention him, were more about the attention on me, but you could guarantee that he would always be talked about.
And then, I met someone. Someone I knew was going to be trouble,
and yet again, as with most of my decisions, I didn't think about that. There had been a few times he'd mentioned the 'damn' octopus, mainly joking around, until one day he asked me quite seriously about it. Why post the pictures? they clearly bring a lot of attention and most of that isn't going to be good- most from people who are only thinking about what else they could get to see, and not really thinking about wanting to get to know the photographer herself. I was worth more than someone sliding into my DMs after seeing a photo of my legs, whether it was jokingly more about the bath toy or not, and I should be able to see that I was worth someone who would try harder than that.
I shrugged him off to begin with, assuming it was more about his jealousy than anything else. Typical male reaction to not being able to control everything, right? Then I started to think about it, and the problem was that really, he had a point. Certain photos may get you all the attention, all the likes, but for that to be built on as a genuine friendship/relationship? Not likely. And did I really need that kind of attention? With a new job, feeling secure with friends surrounding me that loved me no matter what, and a guy that cared for me, I didn't really need any one more messaging or commenting, I didn't need the gratification of likes and emojis.
And just like that, the octopus was retired. The photos at bath time stopped, at least online- they remained a joke between myself and the guy, up until the end. He is still with us, hanging out in the bathroom, and was very briefly resurrected when a friend decided on a video group chat whilst I was in the bath, to save me flashing them.... For now, though, he will remain offline, with no need to make any more future appearances.
The guy is no longer around, a life lesson learned and I will forever care for and be grateful to him for reasons that will stay between us. The friends are still there, and worthy of a post of their own for their love and support. The job is still incredible, still challenging and I remain proud of and adore the work I do.
I have, occasionally, thought back to that conversation with the guy. Thought about saying, fuck it, I liked the octopus pictures. They were funny and made me smile, regardless of whether they brought attention, good or otherwise. I have thought about posting them again. I am asked every now and again where he is, am told that he is missed.
But here's the thing. I am not the same person I was at this time last year. I have grown and changed, and continue to do so. What mattered to me then isn't the same as what matters to me now. Life changes, and what served us at one point may no longer continue to do so over time. My phone is a lot quieter this winter than it was last year, but when it does flash with messages I know that it is someone who genuinely wants to speak to me, and not try to see more than what they can view on Instagram. The octopus showed me exactly what I do and don't want in my life, and the changes that have happened since then continue to show what truly matters to me in my new normal.
I still do plenty without really thinking it through- some of my best memories are made that way. My circle has grown smaller and all the better for it. And no, there are no plans for an OnlyFans page, even if selling pictures of my feet could help pay the bills....... It's just not worth the attention.
Comments