When talking about mental health, depression is often referred to as "the black dog" and has been for centuries. From classical mythology to Winston Churchill, the idea of an intrusive, dark presence following your every move is an apt metaphor to communicate how difficult life can be when living with depressive thoughts and feelings.
I myself actually do have a black dog, a rather large, over friendly mixed breed pooch by the name of Coco. Coco came into our lives in the summer of 2019, when Martin wore me down and convinced me it was time to get a dog. I was adamant that we didn't get anything too small, so obviously we went in the opposite direction and found the largest of a litter of puppies, all fluff and ears, that came home with us the very same day.
Coco is definitely my third child. An absolute ball of over excited energy, he listens to me only slightly more than my actual children, and is completely deaf if there is food to be stolen. He is incredible with Tomas and Morena, and is the biggest wuss despite his size- he's still convinced he can fit on my lap for cuddles even though that usually involves crushing me in some way. He's always been good in the house, his worst habit being that he would decide his bed was nowhere near as comfy as the sofa.
And then, a few months ago, we started having problems. Coco could no longer be left alone as he would destroy things; blinds, windowsills, the back seat of my car.... Leaving him in his cage would ensure he would break out, as he did one memorable morning when I got a phone call from a neighbour saying he'd pushed open a window and jumped out the house. This was obviously not normal- he'd gone from being very chilled to getting stressed anytime it looked like I was walking out the door, and it was becoming pretty expensive in damages if we wanted to go anywhere without him......
Nothing in our lives had changed. I was still working the same way I always had, the kids were at school the same as usual in our daily routine. And yet something was bothering him. At first, I mused as to whether Martin was haunting us- he'd always liked to wind Coco up and have play fights, and now maybe his presence in the house was freaking him out... This idea wasn't helped by the day Morena came down and told me that 'Daddy was in my bed,' a bed that hadn't been purchased until well after Martin had gone, 'he gives hugs.' I'll tell you right now, if Martin is haunting me, he can absolutely do one already- I don't need to be repairing the house constantly, the dog is already judgemental over my taste in gentleman callers so I don't need a ghost watching as well, and besides, he can go and haunt the barn and keep an eye on his horses instead, it would be a far better use of his time.
After deciding we most likely don't have a ghost on our hands, off we went to the vet. "Looks like severe separation anxiety," they said. Coco was referred to a behaviour therapist who, upon seeing Coco and his behaviour sent us straight back to the vet for medication, which has come in the form of antidepressants in the hope to help him deal with his stress. This is alongside retraining and rearranging the house to ensure he has his own space to be comfortable in and feel alright being on his own in, a little at a time.
So, whilst dealing with my 'black dog' of depression and anxiety, I now have an actual black dog also suffering from anxiety, with both of us now on daily medication to help ease it... Apparently, this anxiety has been common with pets after lockdown, and with Coco, it is believed that it could have been building for some time as he also deals with his grief from losing our 'pack leader'. In being a source of comfort for me, he's now needing my comfort and guidance as we try to turn around this destructive behaviour and make him feel safe again on his own.
Grief, depression, anxiety.... they all take time. They take constant work and sometimes, you never fully recover and return to the person you once were. Instead, you grow and change, become a different version of yourself- no less real, no less special, just different. And perhaps that will be the same for Coco as over time we work on his issues and he matures through them. What is certain though is that just as he has been there for me, we will always be there for him.
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