My darling boy.
It's so cliche to say it seems like only yesterday that you were a baby, but you of all people know that life moves quickly and unexpectedly.
We were so excited. So happy. We couldn't wait to meet you. And even then you had a flair for the dramatic- overdue by two weeks, induced on the Sunday, and only arriving on the Wednesday by emergency cesarean..... Waiting for you to cry was the longest minute of my life. And when you did, there was just this overwhelming rush of fierce, primal love. You were mine, and I knew then that there wasn't anything I wouldn't do to protect you.
Your Papa was exactly the same. He ran down the corridor to tell your granny, my mum, who was waiting to hear. "It's a boy! Oh Norah, it's a boy!" he cried, hugging her, before coming running back to you. There was nothing he wouldn't do for you. All he wanted to do was hold you, cuddle you, sleep siestas with you. He was your first and best friend, and it was impossible to tear you apart.
But you were torn apart.
Losing my husband hurts, but watching you lose your champion, your protector, is what breaks my heart. You should be so excited for your birthday- instead you've barely said a word, holding a box of his remains in the place where you should be wrapped up in his arms. I know how much you miss him. I know he misses you too.
Tomas, my baby, you have been through more in your ten years on earth than most, and you have been so brave, so strong in spite of it all. You have grown so much in the past two years and are becoming more and more like your Papa each and every day. You are intelligent, funny, creative and gentle, despite all the pain and the injustice at how unfair life has been. Your sister adores you and you her, and the patience you have for her is a marvel to behold in one so young.
I want you to know that I am so so proud of you. From the moment you came into my life, you changed it for the better, and you continue to do so. I know you want him here, but know that your Papa is looking down on you with the same pride he always has, as you grow into a beautiful young man before him. Know that he loved you more than anything else in this world, and that he wanted you and Morena to be happy. Know that he lives on within you, and that you will carry him with you always.
Always be you. Happy Birthday Baby.
That choked me right up!